The Library

I hope you don't mind the brief interruption of the usual "lecture" (lack of better words). This time I'd like to write more of a narrative story.

---
The darkness swallowed her. She leaned against one of the many bookcases in the room. She shivered slightly, bothered by the darkness.

The sun had long since been replaced by the moon, but as the evening pressed on darkened clouds blotted out the celestial light. It truly was dark, but that was not the darkness that bothered her. In fact, she would rather spend a thousand years in that darkness than the darkness she felt encroaching on her heart.

With a shaking hand, she rubbed the match against its box and began lighting candles around the room. She had removed all the light fixtures in this room, she knew if anyone stumbled upon it with enough light to read from the books on the shelves the consequences would be...bad.

The darkness in her heart drove her to this room. For months she had nearly forgotten this room even existed...until today. Those few months of ignorance to the room leading up to this day were months filled with ecstasy. God had come alive to her. His love, his power, his kindness.

She had started to read His word everyday, started to pray, started to love. Her focus was so much on God, her memory of this room dissolved.

Until today.

It was strange. She had reached for her Bible, like she usually did before supper. But suddenly a wave of memories crashed on top of her. She dropped the Bible that she was bringing to herself. It fell awkwardly, pages bent underneath.

She looked around the library. The same thoughts that penetrated her mind earlier that day came back, hammering into her mind.

“Look at all these books! They are filled cover to cover with what you did!” The darkness prompted her thinking. Her eyes scanned the entire room. Every wall was covered from floor to ceiling with bookcases, and books filled each shelf—some even had to be placed on top of the other books just to fit in the shelves.

“You're fooling yourself if you think God loves you. Can you not understand what you've done? You think someone—even God—would love you with all this in mind? You think he cared about you when you decided to give your life over to him months ago? He was detested.”

She walked to a bookshelf and stared at the binders of each book. Etched on them were years, days, people's names—all reminding her of what she did. “You're hypocrisy. You think you can be a good Christian with everything you've done? I wonder what would happen if someone read that book...”

Her eyes were locked on one book. She could have sworn she buried that book in the the corner of the room in a locked box. How did this get up there? She thought to herself, her mind reeling with every word she knew was written in it.

“You remember, do you? Yes...what if someone found out about all those things?” The darkness tightened around her heart even more. “You can't possibly be a Christian because, look. There are so many books of all the things you did. God couldn't possibly love you. You're too...evil.”

She choked back tears for a brief moment before they flowed steadily down her cheeks. “God doesn't love me.” She said out loud.

She reached for the book and pulled it off the shelf. She held it in her hand for a moment before launching it against the bookshelf across the room. It broke the shelf, causing the load to collapse to the floor. Instead of being buried under the books, the book she had thrown managed to land a few inches away from the others.
A wind rushed into the room, ruffling the pages of all the books on the floor, and snuffing out the candles, save one. The near-darkness took hold of her. She now was immersed in it—her heart and around her. She fell to her knees, clutching her head in her hands, sobbing.

She opened her eyes and crawled over to the book she had thrown. The single remaining lit candle rested on the ground next to it. She picked it up and opened it up by the flame. She furrowed her eyebrows and lifted the candle closer to the book.
In that moment a light filled the room. She looked up to the light fixtures, but no light bulb was in them. She lowered her head and looked at the book. The candle light hadn't been skewing her vision, what she had seen was real.

Empty pages.

She knew every page had been covered with what she had done, but the pages she had turned to were empty. She turned the page and discovered it too was empty. She quickly thumbed through the book, each page empty, until she found words.
She flipped back to the page with words and found a single word written in red ink over the space of two pages: Forgiven.

She stood up and grabbed another book of the shelf and thumbed through it. Every page was blank except for two that had “Forgiven” written on it. She tore through the books, discovering every book was now empty except for the single word in each book: Forgiven.

She couldn't believe it. She walked backwards out the door and stumbled to the living room where her Bible was. She picked it up and looked at where it had fallen open. A strange glowing illuminated a single verse. “If ye confess your sins, He is faithful and just to FORGIVE us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

A wind blew through the living room as well and turned the pages of her Bible. Her eyes locked onto another verse: “We love Him, because he first LOVED us.”
The wind blew yet again. She watched as another verse was made apparent to her. “For the Father himself LOVETH you.”



(C) Kevin Barrick, 2011

(The concept of this entry was inspired by an Christian artist via a short film set to their music)